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Monday, June 22, 2009

Pulling hair out...

Hi Ladies! I'm back from my visit to the Chicago area, but have not had a moment to post.

In fact....I'm dealing with some pretty crappy stuff emotionally over youngest son and his decision yet again...to quit school.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm at my wits end. I'm all cried out. I'm not motivated to post anything right now....

I'll be okay, but I'm going to take a couple more days off until I feel more like myself. Thanks for worrying. It's nice to know you are there. :c)

50 comments:

Amy R said...

Bonnie - If misery loves comfort, please know you are not alone. Try as we might, we can't live our children's lives for them. It is so painful to watch them make mistakes. My heart and prayers are with you.

Pat said...

My heart (and prayers) go out to you Bonnie. When you are ready, we will be here...we're not deserting you....so don't stress over not being able to post for a bit, okay?

BitnByAQuiltingBug said...

It's never easy with kids. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. We, as parents, just have to hope and pray that we taught them right from wrong and that one day, they will see that. You're not alone in any of this. It's a bigger club than it should be, but we're all in it together.
Regina

Sue H said...

Amy R said it perfectly. Your family will be in my prayers.

Kathryn said...

Bonnie,
Our kids often make choices that upset us, but at some point, their lives are their own. They hopefully learn from their mistakes and turn out OK eventually. It just takes time. Thinking of you, Kathie from Allentown

Anna Rosa Designs said...

Hi Bonnie,
Sorry to hear all is not well on your home front.
I'm not sure how old your son is, however a rule in our family is: you can't leave school until you have a job! Maybe put that to your son.
I'm sure it will all turn out in the end.
Hugs,
Anna

marilyn said...

As a high school teacher, you might think my advice would be different, but education and the school system isn't for every kid. If he is at least 16, have him get his GED and figure out what kind of technical work he wants to do. Love on him like there is no tomorrow, despite the choices he is making today and know that we are praying for you and your sanity. Take some time for family right now, that is way more important than blogland or even quilting.
Love!!!

Chris@Cats On My Quilts said...

Hi Bonnie, I have two grown children. A 31yo sone and a 28yo daughter. The son gave me fits and caused all my gray hair. He also quit school a couple of times and I thought he would never ever "get it". Well he's now married with a 2 yo son, one son arriving in July, a wonderful wife, a home and is going to college full time while working full time. He finally "got it" even though I never thought he would. Somehow they all turn out fine and you learn that somewhere in time they were actually listening to you. He just wasn't ready for school and had to decide on his own that we was ready. It took a while but I think he's a much better person for all that he's been through. Good luck.

Laurie said...

Sending warm and caring thoughts your way - see you when you get back :)
laurie

Not Lucy said...

I know you wrote about your son before (for the life of me I can't find the post I read but I know it was there) and ever since I have thought and prayed about you and your family. Our son is our youngest and has been much harder to raise than our daughters. Not that he caused problems but that it is much harder for me to understand what is going on in his head. He is like his dad in many ways but being married to him for 27 years hasn't helped at all! I love him dearly but I just keep reminding myself that boys mature a little more slowly than girls and I just have to wait him out, wait for him to figure out that I am not as stupid as he thinks!

I was told long ago when my first was a colicky baby that the best thing to remember is "This too shall pass."

Hugs!

Kaye said...

Bonnie I am the Mother of 5 and raising them was not easy. 3 boys and 2 girls. With all the tears, the fights, the trials and tribulations thank The Good Lord they all turned out okay. Now I sit back and enjoy their problems etc with their own. There are 10 Grandkids, 9 boys and 1 girl. I worry but its not the same. A lot of it is the same, especially the more serious ones. Just be there when he needs you and pray a lot. Most important take care of YOU

Kate said...

Bonnie - please know that there are heaps of us who are with you in spirit giving you a big hug and saying "it will be alright"...

Christine said...

I've been through the same with my daughter. My heart goes out to you as I know yours has taken a beating. The hardest thing to do is to step back and watch them make mistakes.

My daughter is turning 21 next month and is now coming to her senses. She recently sent me an e-mail apologizing for all the stuff she put us through and admitted she should have followed our advice. It's not too late for her to make something of herself, it won't be for your son either. Sometimes they just need to go down their own path to get there.

Michele said...

Sorry to hear of your strife. Teenagers aren't for sissies! Luckily you are a very positive person and capable to handle these "life decisions" your baby is trying to make. Step back and take a deep breath girl. You can do it. You built a good foundation. Be there for him and he'll find his way. In the meantime, I'd suggest power quilting sessions to deal with the stress. Thinking of you...

Pat / Silver Thimble Quilt Co. said...

Thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers.

Pat

Vicki said...

Bonnie, My heart goes out to you. Maybe it is time for him to go live with Uncle Sam, as in the army, be all you can be? Some kids find themselves there. You are in my prayers.
Vicki

ps you dont have to post this. I dont intend to offend you at all.

Lynn Osborne said...

Hang in there, Bonnie. I'm sending prayers and hugs your way.

Kristi in the Western Reserve said...

Bonnie, I am so sorry you are having such a tough time. I believe it will get better....Keeping you in my prayers, here in Ohio.

Jean said...

Hopefully if he does move out and decide not to get a job, his room mates will figure it out that he won't be helping out with the rent etc... he will learn to change his ways! Hang in there mom!
Try not to let it get to much for you.
We have a DD that at 19 kept telling us, I can make my own decisions. A date came along to take her out one day, and DH asked what they were going to do. Date says.... repelling! DH asked if they had helmets, safety equipment etc... date says... no helments! If we were to fall they really wouldn't do a whole lot of good!
Ahhhh yes! My DH said a prayer for them after they left! Later in the day, we get a call... DD is in the emergency room... 3 compression fractures of the vetabra! She could have been killed... but she was being watched over! She is fine now... but, we all learned!
She is finding out what it's like now... she has 3 kids of her own!
Take care.

Christine said...

Having three chidren myself I am with you and know the worry that you have. Stay strong and in the end we can't hold their hands all the time. Just be there when he is ready.

quilting hugs
Christine

Katney said...

Hang in there, Bonnie. It eventually works itself out and the hair grows back.

julieQ said...

Sorry, Bonnie-cakes! I am so sorry, really, I promise, there is light at the very far end of the tunnel!!! I am hoping and praying for you.

Patchwork Penguin said...

This is when parenting gets tough. You want to 'fix it', but know in your heart they have to make their own decisions and live with them.

Hugs and prayers hon........ take it one day at a time.

Nancy

Stephanie D. said...

Oh, Bonnie, so sorry he's putting you through this again--after buying all his supplies for electrical school and all. But, you've gone out of your way to help him do something with his life, and that's all you can do. It's probably time to let him fall down and scrape his knees all up. Some kids just have to learn the hard way.

Rita said...

I agree with the ones who think that after all you have done it is time to let him choose. I think he needs to have a job too. Get his GED. It isn't what you want but don't hurt yourself trying to help him. I did that and nearly 20 years later I could still be doing it if I hadn't stopped along the way. My son is doing fine now but would still come to me for help when he isn't doing his part. I am as kind and as firm as I can be. Many prayers for you.

linda b said...

problems with 42 year old in CA too.....drugs ruining her life.....

woolywoman said...

Well, nothing to do but sit down and sew. Take care of yourself.

Kim said...

Take good care of yourself.
It sure is hard raising children. I wish I could make it easier for you but you know that isn't gonna happen....hang in there and you will get through it. Keep praying for him.

Happy sewing.....its good therapy

Julie in the Barn said...

Just want to add my moral support.

Mary-Kay said...

We can only help them so much and then it's time for us to cut the apron strings. I have the same issues with my oldest son. After bailing him out of prediciments too many times, we have decided that we are not going to help him any more. He's a smart man, maybe too smart for his own good. He threw away 2 yrs of college at our expense and thinks he wants to go to university. Only if he pays for it because I'm not. It's very sad the way it all turns out. You just want to shake some sense in to them. I'm sure it will get better. Have faith.

GARI said...

I remember this very problem. Our second son decided to give up his full scholership and join the Air Force. In the long run it worked out for him but when he decided to return to school he was working full time, was married and had two children. He has admitted that it was much harder than it would have been if he had stayed in school.

Shari said...

Hugs Hugs Hugs to you... trust that you've done a good job and he will see this period through...

grammilou said...

I was the one who gave my parents grief, but eventually got my head on straight. Our own kids were not all that hard, but now our oldest daughter is having the exact same troubles with her youngest son that you are with yours. We pray for both boys, and for you and our daughter too. It's a hard time, and only prayers and love can get you through it, so we're here praying for you and sending our love and support. Bless you!

Piwacket said...

Bonnie, I'm sending you as many cyberhugs as are technologically possible. I've raised two wonderful sons and they've turned out great despite the times I wanted to wring their necks. The hardest part of being a parent is stepping back and allowing them to make their own decisions, knowing that our wisdom and experience can save them from making mistakes.

If I can be so presumptuous as to offer any advice at all, it's to love him through this at the same time you don't enable him. (OMG...that is SO hard!) This is his decision. Love him anyway and give him a safe, warm place to fall, without supporting him financially. Adult decisions call for adult consequences.

No matter what you do, I am sending love and prayers your way. Trust that everything you have modeled for him thus far will play out in its own time and way. Give thanks in all circumstances.

qltmom9 said...

My 21yo son is starting on a better path (and attitude improving) and my 18yo dd is scaring the bejibbers out of me with her decisions. She moved out yesterday. I still have 16yob, 14yob, 12yog, 10yog, 7yob, 5yog and my sweet little 3yog. If I'd known what this stage was like...
O-:

Lucy (in IN)

Wanda Sotkowy said...

Oh Bonnie I can certainly appreciate where you're at right now. Just know that in the not too distant future our kids do see the error of their ways and get back on track. Someimes their decisions are just to challenge their boundries. Hang in there!

Tricia and Aimee said...

Bonnie,
I think all your quilt friends have said it all, I just want to add my thinking about you and praying for you! I think it was easier when they were all home and under foot....Parenting isn't for the faint of heart
quilt hugs
tricia

Beth said...

Bonnie, just remember to BREATHE...oh and that male children take EVER so much longer to mature than the girl children! Hang in there!

Tazzie said...

I'm so sorry you're going through all this heartbreak, kids really know how to put us through the wringer don't they?
Just know that we're all here for you, and ready to lend an understanding ear.
*big hugs*
Tazzie
:-)

QuiltSue said...

Not much I can add, but my thoughts are with you.

EileenKNY said...

Bonnie,
Sometimes we just have to watch from the sidelines when our kids live their lives.
Maybe he'll get a big dose of reality and become the man you know he can be.
I'll be keeping good thoughts for you.

Mrs. Goodneedle said...

I am so sorry that you're going through this right now. Take the time you need, we're not going anywhere. Sending you a great big hug.

BitnByAQuiltingBug said...

Hi Bonnie....
Just wanted to say it's a whole new day! Hope you are feeling better about things today and know that many of us are keeping you in our thoughts and prayers.

Elaine Adair said...

It's YOUR job to provide for him until ???, but it's HIS job to accept it. You're doing your job - he has to figure that out. Hang in there and don't burn any bridges. Maybe some girl will get him straightened out - it would not be the first time a girl had more influence than a Mom .. or another person might get through to him. He probably doesn't hear you.

YankeeQuilter said...

Just want you to know I'm praying for ya....it is a tough road.

onlymehere said...

I'll keep you and your family in my prayers. My oldest graduated but it was a hard haul to motivate him. The rest did just fine on their own. I wish kids came with instruction manuals! Cindy

Quiltdivajulie said...

My heart goes out to you . . . parenting is never easy, and especially challenging in a situation like yours. The hardest lesson I had to learn was that I couldn't "fix" everything, no matter how much I wanted to.

I feel your "all cried out" pain ~ all I can offer is that we (our marriage, DH and I as individuals, and our younger son) would not have survived without our family therapist. His skills and compassionate care made all the difference.

Was it easy? No.

Was it worth the struggle? Yes.

Take care!

Peaceful Piecer said...

sorry you are going thru this....I have been there with 2 out of my 4....found that cutting off absolutely all money worked .... took awhile but they are hard workers now and the youngest is back in college full time and still working....It really hurts a mama's heart but just know there is hope!!

Darlene B said...

Bonnie: I am adding my hugs and prayers to all the rest being offered to you! You must be feeling all these hugs squeezing you tight! Hang in there....it may take some time, but there will be a time when things come together and lessons are learned...parenting sure is tougher than you think when you bring a cute bouncing baby home from the hospital!

Mary said...

Hi Bonnie, I am sorry to hear about your son but I can truly relate. My youngest son went to college right after high school because "that was what we expected". However a year later after losing 12 credits because he never took the final exams, he announced that school was not for him. He decided he would rather work full-time. He did that for about 7 months and realized that he needed to get an education to get anywhere in life. That was a year ago. He now has 30 college credits and is registering for 15 more credits in the fall. Sometimes it just takes them a little time to find 'their way' in life. I pray everything works out for the best. Mary